He Was a Blind Weightlifter. Then He Got Shot in the Face.
Terry Caruso. Art by Tanzanian Wojak
Standards of conduct in modern times are more or less guided by blue checkmarks and pop culture icons, many of which are highly unqualified for the task of directing a population into the arena of individual enlightenment. The lack of qualification is evident in how quick they are to accept their vices and embrace them as virtues. It’s the path of least resistance fueled by insecurity and lack of purpose. “Why improve, when it’s far too challenging for an individual like myself?” They ask. This is their inner notion. A cope imbedded deep within their psyche. It may not be a surface thought but it is surely their guiding principle.
The days of glorifying confident, strong, and dedicated individuals are long gone. We must seek out those sorts of individuals on our own, whether they are in a book or a niche internet personality (ahem…). Characters of commitment are few and far between, but they do exist. Terry Caruso is one of those characters.
Terry, like many lifters, got into lifting for chicks and to hang out with friends. Normal reasons for a young man to pick up the hobby. However it has been anything but easy for Terry. He was born with a rare eye disease called retinitis pigmentosa, which has only worsened with age. Doctors predict that he will eventually be completely blind. Because of this condition he is not allowed to have a license, forcing him to walk two hours to the gym every day and two hours back, not to mention the time he spends at the gym in-between! This obstacle alone would be enough to turn most people away. It would be an easy reason to skip the gym and no one would judge for him it. But this man has refused to accept this barrier. This circumstance has been conquered...however it is not the only complication in Terry’s journey.
Through a series of extremely traumatizing events, which you will read below, Terry overcame a horrible tragedy that left him questioning his mortality in general. Despite the magnitude of mental and physical damage that he lived through, he rose above it all. Terry is a man that knows the value of dedication and purpose. He's lived it and he's earned it.
Thanks for talking to Countere, Terry. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
I’m from Crofton, Maryland. I’m 25.
How long have you been lifting for?
Since I was 19.
Why did you start lifting?
Originally it was to get girls. My best friend was really into it, in high school he did tren (a steroid) and shit. He got me into the gym. Two or three years later I started messing with more steroids. I started with SARMs (selective androgenic receptor modulators) and moved to prohormones. SARMs, in case you didn’t know, are like legal steroids. You can buy them with a credit card.
Do you still use steroids?
Yeah, I’m actually on a cycle right now. I take a gram of testosterone, 600 milligrams of nandrolone, superdrol, MK-677 to make me hungrier so I can eat more and bulk, metformin, 50 milligrams of DHB (dihydroboldenone), and carderine.
Let’s take it back a little bit. Were you always blind?
Yeah, I was born with an eye disease called retinitis pigmentosa. It was passed down from my grandmother. It didn’t really affect my grandmother until she got older. But when it gets passed down, it mutates and becomes more degenerative.
When I was in high school, I couldn’t really see the board. When the lights were off, I couldn’t fucking see anything at all. If I dropped a pencil, I couldn’t find it. I used to play it off like I was stoned. But as I’ve gotten older, it definitely has gotten worse and will continue to get worse until I’ve lost all my peripheral vision completely.
I’ve always been kind of extroverted but because of my eyesight, I’m more introverted. I can’t see people’s facial expressions or facial cues or anything like that, so I literally have no idea what’s going on. I can’t drive. I’m legally blind, not completely blind, but the government considers me blind.
But yeah, I noticed my vision really starting to decline after I got shot.
Whoa, you got shot?
I got shot two-and-a-half years ago. I was shot three times: in the head and in the spine and in the hip.
What’s the story behind that?
So to fund my bodybuilding and steroid use, I sold drugs. I still have no idea why the guy who shot me did it, but he bought everything from me. He had all the drugs. I had nothing. I was homeless at the time. So we were kind of friends, but evidently not. He’s in jail now. The last I heard he accepted a plea deal which was life in prison without parole.
For attempted murder?
For attempted murder and first-degree murder. He killed my girlfriend. He thought I was dead too and dumped my body in the woods…evidently I wasn’t dead. I got up from where he dumped me and walked to the road. Somebody stopped. They thought I was on drugs until they noticed bleeding from the back of my head. They called an ambulance and I got airlifted to the hospital.
I was in coma for two weeks. I had a stroke. I lost all hearing in my right ear, I’m deaf in that ear now. My whole right side was completely paralyzed, I had to relearn how to use it. They said that I was going to have the mental capacity of a four year old and they expected me to be in the rehab hospital for six months. But I was only in there for a month. And I got out.
Terry Caruso in the hospital.
You made a much faster recovery than anyone expected.
Yeah, yeah. But I was extremely depressed for the first couple of month afterwards. I tried to commit suicide. I thought my life was over.
You sound a lot better now—you got a girlfriend, you got a place. How did you come back from the brink?
About eight months after I got out of the hospital, my friend brought me back to the gym. I felt like I couldn’t weight lifts ever again, but evidently I could. So that’s what turned everything around.
Lifting gave me a purpose again, you know? I know it’s a cliche, but it saved my life. And I have progressed a lot farther than where I was right before I got shot. I’m hitting new PRs all the time now.
I actually saw your article on the INTJ Lifter (a type of lifter known as both a physical and mental warrior). And it’s funny, because my personality type is INTJ.
Wow. That makes perfect sense.
Yeah, because there are guys that do steroids and go to the gym because they want to party or go to the clubs and and show off. But that’s not how I look at it at all. For me, training is just pushing as far as you can. It doesn’t really matter what you look like until your end goal.
My favorite bodybuilder of all time is Dorian Yates. The dude didn’t give a fuck about anything. He just wanted to be the best he possibly could and he based his whole life around that. I liked his story a lot—after he tore his bicep and triceps and wasn’t competing in the Mr. Olympia anymore, he lost purpose and spiraled down. Then he found purpose again and is now doing yoga and training people. I like his views when it comes to ayahuasca and marijuana and stuff like that.
Where would you be if you didn’t have lifting?
Dead. Or extremely addicted to drugs. I’m only in the gym two hours a day, but it takes away a lot of the anxiety. It’s the only thing I focus on that time. And outside the gym, I focus on eating the correct amount of food and timing myself to eat every two hours. Having to structure all of that keeps my mind from going to dark places.
It’s actually extremely funny because my girlfriend does not lift at all. She eats [junk] all the time, she’s like the exact opposite of me. But this has been my longest relationship—we’ve been dating for over a year—so that’s saying something important. Anyways, she’s always like, “It’s like you have a job because you spend five hours a day going to the gym.”
I thought you only spent two hours in the gym.
No, no. I spend two hours in the gym, but it takes me five to six hours because I have to walk two hours to the gym and two hours back. Remember, I can’t drive.
So it takes a long ass time, but I’m committed to it. There have been multiple times where I’m walking through the gym and I’m like, “Why the fuck am I even doing this?”
And I think, “I’m not really gaining anything.” But at the same time, I am.
What are some of the challenges of being a blind lifter?
There’s quite a bit. There’s the toll it takes on me physically to have to constantly look around. When it gets dark out, walking to and from the gym, making sure I’m not tripping over things. And then when I go into the gym, it takes a long time for my eyes to adjust to darker light. So I just hope I don’t run into anyone. And there’s a lot of people around, there’s equipment on the floor. I’ve definitely tripped over things, fallen multiple times, embarrassed myself.
I kind of get insecure because I make myself look like a fool sometimes. One of my biggest fears is running into someone and having to explain to them [my condition]. Because you can’t physically tell what’s wrong with me. I look like a normal person. I have to explain it in detail…a lot of people don’t understand it.
I have definitely tripped over weights. Two weeks ago, I tripped over a bench. I haven’t had any serious injuries, but my shins are constantly bruised and my pinky toes are destroyed from constantly running into stuff.
Does blindness cause problems when you actually lift?
Not at all. That’s the reason why I like lifting. You only have to move from point A to point B in a static motion. When you do a deadlift or squat, you’re just moving the weight up and down. I don’t have to look to see where I’m going or who’s coming.
If I was completely blind, I could still lift weights. I just have to feel where they are.
That’s powerful.
Yes. I told my girlfriend and family recently: I might eventually quit doing steroids, but I will never quit lifting weights.
Follow Dark Iron Gains on Instagram.
Follow Terry Caruso on Instagram.
Follow Countere Magazine on Instagram.
