How to Throw a Flat Earth Party
Art by softdaisyrose
Happy Flat Earth Week! All week long, Countere has been counting down to Flat Earth Day on April 23. Join the festivities and see the memes on Instagram.
Ever wondered what it was like to throw a conspiracy-themed party? Thinking of a fun way to bring crisis actors together at your table? Desiring to send “Flat Earth Party” RSVPs to both your triple-boosted family and based RWBB¹ friends…but don’t know where to start? You’ve come to the right place. Let’s go down this rabbit hole together.
Let’s throw a Flat Earth Party!
Mandatory Tin Foil Hats to Enter!
Where?
Author softdaisyrose celebrating Flat Earth Girl Spring in her custom tin foil dress.
Host your party Hobbit-style! There’s no better place to gaze upon the flat, un-curving horizon than the great outdoors. Lay out an Alice in Wonderland-style arrangement on a long table in your backyard, or invade the local park for a flat earth picnic.
Alternatively, you could throw a smaller gathering in the comfort of your home. This is useful if you’d like to screen videos for your guests such as the 2-hour-long documentary 200 Proofs Earth Is Not a Spinning Ball. Having your party at home also ensures you’re free from government surveillance and that you have the ability to check for listening devices beforehand.
When?
Flat Earth Day is held each year on April 23, one day after Earth Day (which is a government psyop² anyways; everyday is Earth Day.) Flat Earth Day is celebrated by millions of people worldwide and has even been declared a National Holiday in several unrecognized, breakaway micro-states.
Who to Invite?
Everyone is invited to the flat earth party! Your family (provided they have not shunned you for your beliefs), your internet friends, and even the meme characters that exist only inside your head.
Author softdaisyrose’s Minecraft character celebrating Flat Earth Day with friends, NPCs, Wojaks, and Chads.
If you’re hosting your function outside, extend a friendly invite to God’s creatures. Let the local deer partake in your meal. Beckon your hand to a chirping robin. Roam free with the rollie-pollies!
The only people not invited? The Thought Police.
What to Wear?
There’s always a reason to dress up for each season, but none more so than for Flat Earth Girl Spring.
In your invitation, let guests know that tin foil hats are a must! Any of the hats below will work to stop satellites from reading and controlling your esteemed guests’ minds.
Everyone always talks about tin foil hats…but no one ever talks about tin foil suits and dresses. Let us know in the comments which letter/number combo you’ll be wearing at the niche internet micro celebrity Flat Earth Gala!
Party Preparation
You’ve invited your guests…you’ve stockpiled MREs and canned food in preparation for the oncoming collapse…you’ve withdrawn your life savings from your bank account and converted them to Dogecoin…
…You’re almost ready to throw your flat earth party.
Decoration Ideas
A flat earth blanket.
No party is complete without themed decorations. Now’s the time to take the red strings off of the bulletin board in your basement, and apply them to a less schizo use. Here are some decoration ideas:
Cubed earth balloons
Cardboard 5G cell tower “trees”
Flat earth world maps
Fairy lights & acorn vines
JRPG stats & prophecies carved on stones
Gnome homes
Paintings of reverse waterfalls
Conspiracy chart posters
Round green doors with brass doorknobs
What to Feast On
A flat earth cake.
Keep everything organic! Also, it’s important to stay away from spherical foods, such as peas or grapes.
Consider catering these courses:
Flat earth cake
Flat earth cake pops (shaped like cubes)
Flat earth pizza
Fish and chips
Traditional English cottage pie
Raw beef tartare from the Raw Egg Nationalism cookbook
A whole cheese wheel (from Runescape or Minecraft)
Freshly baked pie from someone’s windowsill
Pronoun Label Stickers
Handed out at the entrance table, there are only two pronoun stickers to choose from. One says “Hello, I identify as ‘Correct/My Predictions Came True,’“ and the other says “My pronouns are… ‘I/Told/You/So.’'‘
Let’s Party!
Congratulations! Provided you haven’t aroused any suspicion with your purchases, you’re finally ready to host your first flat earth party!
Theme Song
Set the vibe right. As guests and animal friends stream in and ponder the events of the last three years, play “Chemtrails Over the Country Club” by Lana Del Rey.
Activities to Do
A flat earth drawing activity.
As your guests munch on your flat earth snacks, direct the group to do any of the following:
Solve a flat earth puzzle
Play flat earth frisbee
Share baby name ideas
Take selfies in a staged “moon landing” photo booth
Forage mushrooms from the local forest
Pin the Tail on the Astronomer!
Watch YouTube videos and documentaries about flat earth
Go into the shed and move large bags of fertilizer into someone’s pick-up truck. Hooray!
Create Twitter AI bots to disseminate huge swaths of misinformation against mainstream globeheads
Topics of Discussion
Why, that’s easy. Simply regale your guests with autistically gathered information about any of the following topics: chemtrails, physiognomy, directed-energy weapons, ancient Phoenician-American trade routes, the UFO-ocean connection, Æther, the Carolingian manuscripts, Hongshan Jade eBay treasures, the Pan civilization, the Saturn Cube, the four humors, or how we’ve never actually left The Dome.
You can also use any of the following tweets by @DejaRu22 as a starting point for conversation:
Goodie Bag Party Favors
After the end of the party, your guests should return home happy with a goodie bag assortment of:
Broken compasses
“Redacted” pencils
Flat earth stress balls cubes
Flat earth soap bars
Celebratory “Flat Earth Survivor (I fell off)” swag
“Flat Earth Society Has Members From Around The Globe” mugs
And There You Go!
Congratulations! You’re officially ready for your first flat earth party! Just remember, if any normie asks, deny all associations with flat earth. Say things like “I don’t know what you’re talking about” and “Of course Flat Earth Day is a joke” while looking them straight in the eye. This should get them off your back…for now.
Remember to have fun and let us know your how your Flat Earth Day goes in the comments!
Glossary Key:
¹RWBB: Right-Wing Body Builder
²Psyop: An unnatural occurrence. A psychological operation that attempts to mess with one’s perception of reality.
